


B for Bollocks

by LurkerNoLonger



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Jealous Finn, POV Finn, Rave, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 14:21:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14696007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LurkerNoLonger/pseuds/LurkerNoLonger
Summary: A season one-esque AU. Someone gets in Finn's way to get to Rae.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Slowly but surely moving my stories over from Tumblr. This was originally posted in June, 2017. Minor word and grammar edits.
> 
> This was my first ever fanfic, so I cringed a bit reading it back. However, nearly a year later, I'm grateful to still get comments on it. For some reason people seem to enjoy it so, if it's new to you, I hope you do too! Thank you for reading. x

Finn shuffles past the green doors of The Swan with a heavy sigh. Keeping his eyes trained on his boots, he makes a beeline for the bar, completely unaware of the greedy stares from a table of girls in the corner. Waiting for his pint, he finally moves his eyes to the table near the jukebox where he knows the gang will be sat. Well, the gang minus one. Rae.

Finn’s well aware that she has a shift at the record shop which means she would be last to arrive, which in turn meant he wasn’t in any hurry. He’d been antsy to get down there all day to see her but his dad had been on his back about yard work; even going as far as to threaten to play his 70s soft rock tunes at top volume next time Rae was over if Finn didn’t get it done.

He shudders at the thought, then bites his lip to stop the grin that comes with the image of Rae’s likely reaction: furrowed brows, turned up nose, slightly parted kissable lips. He can practically see the fire dancing in her eyes and hear her cheeky comment of how he’d “definitely inherited his dad’s taste in crap music”. Another feeling, this time in his stomach, comes to him when he thinks about how he would drag her upstairs where they’d lie side by side on his bed listening to records.

Finn glances at his watch, contemplating if he still had time to sprint down to the shop. He could just look around in the last few minutes of her shift and then walk her back to the pub. But it was five to, and by the time he ran there he would probably be a sweaty mess. _No, not a good idea._ He did not need her to see him like that. Rae made him nervous enough without the added worry of B.O.

“Oi, Finn!” Chop’s voice breaks through the pub and Finn looks over to see him waving both arms like some blimmin’ air traffic conductor. Finn nods in his direction, taking another sip of his pint before ambling over. “Took yas long enough, knobhead! Need another lad to outnumber these two and their girly talk!” Chop jerks a thumb in Chloe and Izzy’s direction. Finn chuckles, taking out his tobacco tin and papers. If the girls were on about something, he definitely needed a rollie.

“Oh please, Chop. You talk about girls in front of us all the time!” Chloe huffs, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Hearing you lot go on about how blue a bloke’s eyes are is not drinking talk, alrigh’?” Chop grumbles, his eyes shooting to Izzy for a second before he knocks back the rest of his beer.

“You know, all blue eyed people can be traced back to one caveman,” Archie says matter of factly, pushing his glasses higher up the bridge of his nose.

“So you and Chop are related then?” Izzy asks seriously.

“For fucks sake! Boys and history! Finn mate, save me!” Chop begs, hands clasped dramatically. Finn just shakes his head and laughs while lighting up his smoke. “Jesus. Where the hell is Raemundo when you need her? I swear she’s the only fun one ‘round here.”

 _Rae._ Now that is a subject Finn was willing to chime in on. “She’ll be here soon, mate. Her shift just ended.” He can’t help but smile.

“I wonder if she’ll bring Brandon with her,” Izzy says to the whole table.

Finn immediately scowls. _Brandon? Who the fuck is Brandon? And why the hell would Rae be bringing him?_

“Oh God, I hope so Iz! They seemed pretty chummy earlier,” Chloe says excitedly, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

 _Earlier? Chummy?_ Finn has definitely missed something.

“I’ll shout the next round. Give us a hand, Arch.” Finn gets up and Archie follows him to the bar. He glances back at the table to make sure that the others can’t hear before leaning closer to Archie. Giving the room a glance to seem nonchalant, he asks “Who’s Brandon?”

Archie looks over his shoulder at the table then back to Finn. “Just a bloke who started working at the record shop. The girls went to see Rae earlier and she was training him.” Finn just nods, knocking the bar a few times with a fist he hadn’t realized he’d made. Archie gives Finn a tight lipped smile. “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about, mate.”

“Worry? Why would I worry? Means nowt to me.” Finn shrugs, pulling at his earlobe. Archie shoots him a knowing look but doesn’t say anything else.

*

They’ve been sat at the table for almost an hour, Finn silently counting the minutes and nursing his pint. He keeps glancing up every time the doors swing open, waiting for a flash of dark hair and pale skin. Rae is late, which is odd, and Finn can’t help but wonder why. He’s beginning to worry when he hears the latch on the door and his head snaps up for what feels like the hundredth time that afternoon. Finally. _Rae._ Fear creases her brow for a second until she spots them and smiles. Finn feels that all too familiar tug of happy nerves in first his stomach and then his chest, which is punctuated further by the fact that she was alone. He moves down on the bench, making a spot for her right next to him. Finn opens his mouth to greet her but is cut off by Chop’s boisterous exclamation.

“About time, baby girl! I was about to send out a sexy search party!”

“Hiya.” Rae gives the table a small wave and slides in next to Finn, leaving a sizable gap between them which he immediately closes. He presses his thigh against hers which makes her look up at him and he gives her a sheepish grin as a hello.

“Where ya been, Rae?” Izzy asks as she chews on the straw of her alcopop.

“Yeah your shift ended ages ago!” Chloe complains.

“Soz, mum! I had to stay a bit later to show the new guy how to close.”

Finn hides his smile behind his pint glass. _New guy. Didn’t even call him by his name. Mr. Blue eyes may be memorable to some, but not Rae._

“God, I’d show him how to close any day!!” Chloe offers suggestively, moving her brows up and down quickly.

“Yeah you said as much earlier, Chlo. Right in earshot of him too.” Rae rolls her eyes with a scoff.

“So did he ask about me then?”

It was Finn’s turn to roll his eyes. Chloe always thought every guy was after her.

“Er…we didn’t really speak about anything but work.”

“Did you ask him to the pub?” Izzy asks, which earns her a confused look from Chop.

“Nah. He mentioned earlier that he had footy after his shift.”

“Well did you ask where he plays, babe? Maybe we could go watch!” Chloe is practically bouncing in her seat.

“Nope.” Rae shrugs, and Finn has to suppress a relieved sigh before taking a gulp of his drink. “But he walked me over here, so probably close by.”

Finn chokes on his beer, spluttering on a cough, and when Rae reaches to pat him on the back he knows he’s beet red. “M'fine,” he mumbles at the concerned faces of the table. He glances at Archie who grimaces at him.

“Sooo, what do you think of him then?” Chloe presses on.

“I don’t know! He’s alright, I guess. We literally just met.” Rae’s voice is laced with frustration at Chloe’s questioning, but her cheeks seem slightly pinker. Finn would know, he spends enough time staring at her to notice any minute change.

“Enough o’ this talk!” Chop interrupts, pounding on the table with a fist. “We have better things to discuss!”

 _Thank you, Chopper_ Finn thinks. As Chop goes on about driving out to Rutlands at the weekend, Finn moves his finger to Rae’s thigh. B-A-R? She smiles softly at him with a nod, and they both slip off the bench. He follows behind her, admiring the swish of her hair across her back as she walks, shoving his hands in his pockets so he won’t reach out and stroke her. Rae leans against the wall facing the table, while Finn hunches over the counter.

“How was work?”

“Okay. Thought you were gonna stop by?”

“I wanted to, but my dad was on it about chores.”

“Too bad. We got some new reggae in. I know how much you like that toss.” Rae smirks at him and Finn has to grip the wood top to stop from kissing it off her stupid pretty face. He orders their drinks from the bar man and bobs his head to the tune coming from the jukebox. The silence between them that is usually so comfortable feels heavy, and Finn knows he has to ask.

“So…new guy at the shop?”

“God, you’re not interested in him too, are you?” Rae teases, throwing her hands up in the air. Finn laughs and shake his head. “He’s just a guy. Don’t know why those two are on about it so much.” She shrugs, turning so they’re shoulder to shoulder. After a pause she leans into him slightly, which makes him look to her. Their eyes meet before she says “he’s just a coworker” and in those four words Finn thinks maybe she knows. Knows how much he likes her, knows how little he likes the idea of another guy in her life, knows about that skin tingling spark he feels whenever she’s close. He’s staring at her lips until his view is obstructed by her snakebite, and as he follows her back to the table he makes a vow to himself to _make a goddamned move._

\---

As it turns out, making a move was impossible when Rae was literally never alone. If it wasn’t Chloe or Izzy giggling away in her ear, it was Chop making her laugh with his crude jokes, or bloody Archie hauling her off to a dark corner to talk about whatever the hell they always had to talk about in private. Rae hadn’t even been over to his in ages – _okay, six days but who’s counting_ – because if they weren’t with the gang she was working at the record shop. He’d visit her as much as he could, but even then she was distracted. The commercial music store on the high street was closed for renovations which meant Town was busier than ever. Much to Finn’s annoyance, that meant Rae was either busy with a customer or restocking shelves. To make matters worse, he couldn’t even enjoy looking around with the throngs of twittering girls searching fruitlessly for the latest boy band album.

It’s a Thursday afternoon, and Finn hasn’t seen her in a day and a half and it’s doing his head in. He’s sitting with Archie in the park, trying to pay attention to his mate’s ramblings, but after the third time Archie has to repeat himself Finn knows the only way his mind will focus is if it was on Rae.

“Fancy going down to the record store?”

“I guess. Rae’s working, yeah?”

“Dunno. Maybe.”

She was, and he definitely knew.

Pushing the glass door open, Finn’s pleased to find the shop is relatively dull for once. There are only a handful of customers milling about, and it’s quiet enough he can make out _Parklife_ playing overhead. He hears a familiar laugh and his head shoots up to find it. Rae. She’s standing behind the counter price marking CDs. A tall dark haired lad standing next to her (too close in Finn’s opinion), and Little Al leaning against the counter talking to them both.

“Alright, lads?” Al yells across the shop.

Archie waves and Finn merely nods in greeting, his eyes never leaving Rae. “Alright, girl?” he says as they reach the group.

“Hiya Finn, Arch,” she replies, a small smile on her lips. The tall bloke clears his throat and Rae looks away from Finn and at him. “Guys, this is Brandon. Brandon, this is Finn and Archie.”

 _So this is Brandon._ Finn barely acknowledges the lad, while Archie goes to shake his hand. _Wanker._

“Nice to meet you,” Brandon says politely.

“This here is Rae’s ex!” Little Al pipes up, clapping Archie on the shoulder. The entire group turns their heads to Al in a collective ‘what the fuck?’ “Just getting the skeletons out the closet now!” Al laughs, hands up in surrender. Finn looks to Rae to find her eyes back down to the CDs, cheeks crimson.

“Ex boyfriend, eh?” Brandon directs at Archie, and Finn swears he sees Brandon bristle, standing a little taller, as he looks Archie over.

“Er...yeah, but we’re just best mates now.” Archie shoots Rae a supportive smile, which she returns.

Brandon turns his eyes to Finn, and Finn has to bite his cheek to not burst out with _‘And I’m her future boyfriend, ya prick!’_

“Right, I’m off. Brandon, swing round mine on Saturday, yeah? Big party!” Little Al slaps the counter for emphasis.

Brandon shrugs and, to Finn’s annoyance, turns to Rae. “You going?”

“Uh…yeah, we all are.”

“If Rae’s going, I’m there!” Brandon declares, a big grin on his face, as he swings his arm over Rae’s shoulders. Finn’s hackles rise, hands clenching into fists at his sides. In his mind’s eye he’s ripping Brandon’s arm out of it’s socket, but in reality he’s stood there stunned. Rae rolls her eyes and shakes her head, but blushes nonetheless.

“RAE!” Finn hadn’t even realized he spoke out – loudly at that – until everyone is looking at him. He clears his throat and speaks again in a much quieter voice. “You said you were gonna show me some new stuff?” He motions with his head towards the other side of the shop.

“Right! This way, sir.” Rae does a little bow to direct him which causes Brandon’s arm to drop from it’s perch, and Finn can’t help but smirk at him.

“You won’t believe what came in the other day. Don’t tell anyone but I misfiled it so no one would find it.” Rae chuckles as she fingers through a box of vinyl.

“Come to mine tonight!” Finn blurts. Apparently he has no control over his mouth today. Rae looks stunned at his practical demand; her mouth popped open, eyes searching his face. Finn demurs a bit at her hesitance, looking down at the random record he’d grabbed and then back at her through his lashes. Once when he looked at her like that she blushed and looked away like maybe it affected her somehow, and since then Finn held it in his ‘ways to get to Rae’ arsenal. It must still be a powerful weapon because her apprehensive look morphs into a cheeky smile.

“Why, you miss me Finnley?” Rae leans over the crate between them and Finn automatically matches her movement, his arms resting centimetres from her hands.

 _Yes. So much._ “Nah, not at all. In fact it was my dad that asked me to get you over.” Finn shrugs, feigning nonchalance.

“That right? I guess Gary never did finish telling me about that time you put on your cousin Gemma’s princess outfit. Think he was about to break out the photo album,” she replies, a mischievous glint in her eye. Finn glances down to her lips and wonders for maybe the millionth time what they’d taste like. Whatever the flavour, he knew her seeing his awkward childhood photos would be worth it. He opens his mouth to keep the banter going but suddenly Archie is at his side.

“Finn, you about ready? We’re meant to meet Chop soon.” _Fuck._ He had totally forgotten about the stupid action film he’d agreed to see with Chop and the other footy lads.

“Guess I’ll have to bear witness to your embarrassment another time, eh?” Rae nudges his arm. Finn can’t help how his face falls.

“Tomorrow?” he asks hopefully.

“Eager for me to shame you then?” she chuckles. “But I’m working all day and then I have to do some stuff for my mum. I’ll see you Saturday at Al’s?”

“Yeah I guess,” he replies glumly.

Finn hadn’t noticed Brandon standing on the other side of Rae until he spoke up. “So you’re free tonight then, Rae?”

Three pairs of eyes look over at Brandon; one surprised, one wary, and one throwing daggers. “Um, yeah. I guess so.”

“Maybe we should do something then.”

Now all eyes were on Rae. She looks extremely uncomfortable and shuffles in place a bit before finally replying with a shrug. “Erm..okay. If you want to.”

Brandon beams and nods before saying “I really do.”

Finn feels his stomach drop to somewhere around his ankles. He’s not sure if he wants to vomit or scream but he knows for certain the urge to rip any and all limbs off Brandon is in the forefront. His face must betray his violent thoughts because he feels a conciliatory hand on his shoulder and turns to see Archie looking at him sympathetically.

“We better go. Rae I’ll ring you later, yeah?” Archie breaks the palpable tension.

“Sure, Arch. Have fun at the cinema.”

Finn won’t let himself read into the disappointed lilt in her voice. Instead he gives her a tight smile and turns to leave. Pausing by the shop window, he allows himself one glance back only to see Brandon standing in the spot Finn just vacated, body leaning towards Rae as she laughs at something he says.

\---

They weren’t dating. Finn had heard so enough times from a scoffing Chloe, but they could have fooled him. Since the party three weeks ago, Brandon was always around. Specifically around Rae. That meant that Finn’s time with her had significantly decreased, along with his mood. It was blindingly clear that Brandon fancied her, and Finn was starting to worry that Rae felt the same. They’d show up at the pub together after work, or leave early if they both had a morning shift the next day. And if they weren’t off working together, they were talking about work. About the awful album someone bought, or the creepy bloke with the equally creepy moustache who only bought a CD if it had a half naked woman on the cover. It didn’t help that Chop (the pillock) kept making sly remarks about the two of them “sneaking off to do naughty things”, while Archie (the know it all) kept giving Finn apologetic looks. Not to mention Izzy and Chloe finding Brandon exceedingly charming, inviting him to every party and outing. _Traitors, the lot of them._

Numerous times Finn’s caught Brandon ogling Rae’s chest when she wasn’t looking, or clocked him touching the ends of her hair as his arm rests on the back of her seat. It makes him queasy, especially since it gave Finn a glimpse of what he probably looked like to an outsider: some eager puppy pawing for attention.

But when Rae walks into the pub, alone for once, everything inside Finn says _fuck it, be whatever you have to be._ He practically runs back to the table to pull out a chair for her. She greets the gang and sits down next to him, and he actually sighs when their arms touch. Chloe and Izzy are already babbling away to her about their dance class, so Finn reaches under the table to rest his hand on Rae’s thigh. She twitches at the contact but he feels her relax almost immediately. He doesn’t actually know what to write, just jumped at the chance to touch her again, so he drums his fingers absently as he thinks. After a few seconds her hand grasps his fingers, halting their movement.

She releases her grip and writes T-I-C-K-L-E-S on the back of his hand and he literally watches the goosebumps rise on his skin.

S-O-R-R-Y he traces back.

I-T-S-O-K her finger replies, this time on his leg.

M-I-N-E, he pauses. He has half a mind to end it there, but keeps going. L-A-T-E-R-? He looks at her face and she’s looking back at him confused. He reaches over to explain, T-E-A-+-R-E-C-O-R-D-S

Her whole body seems to breathe a relaxed sigh before she writes S-U-P-P-O-S-E. Finn notices her lips quirk at the corners and he has to fight off his own face breaking grin.

S-N-A-K-E-B-I-T-E-? He could have easily just written ‘drink’ but four more letters means four more reasons to feel her beneath his fingertip.

P-L-E-A-S-E

He gives her knee a quick squeeze before getting up to grab her order.

As he makes his way back pints in hand, he looks up to see the girls leaning over the table. Chloe has her hand at Rae’s neck, while Izzy looks on with bright eyes. Finn sits down to see them fawning over a necklace.

“This is what you were telling me about, babe?” Chloe asks excitedly.

Rae tries to nod, but the hold Chloe had on her stops her from moving too far. “It’s thoughtful, right?”

“Thoughtful? Rae this is mint!” Chloe exclaims, examining it closer.

“Yeah Rae, that is dead nice. Like proper jewellery.” Izzy adds.

Rae blushes and leans away so the necklace falls from Chloe’s grasp, and that’s when Finn sees it. It’s a fine chain with a round pendant, definitely real gold like Izzy said. But it’s what's engraved on it that makes his mouth go dry and his stomach twist. _B._ A fucking capital initial B. _B for Bollocks. B for Bastard. B for fucking Brandon._ Finn just knows it’s from him.

“What’s this all about then?” Chop asks from the end of the table, craning his head to try to see the necklace.

“It’s nothing!” Rae says, quickly tucking the necklace back under her shirt.

“That is definitely not nothing, Rae! Something like that must have cost him a fortune!” Chloe explains, impressed.

“Wait, what are we talking about?” Archie questions, placing his arms on the table.

“Nothing! Just a gift. Can we move on?” Rae turns red at all the attention, while Finn goes ghostly white.

 _This can’t be fucking happening. They’re not together. Everyone says they’re not together. Chloe. Archie. But now she’s walking around with a necklace that practically brands her?_ Finn thinks he might spew the three pints he has swimming in his belly. His mind is drowning in a volatile mix of anger, disappointment, hurt, and regret. He practically sees the months he’s spent pining for her crumble away, along with the wasted worry over building up the courage to stop spelling out drink orders and write what he really wants to say: I-LIKE-YOU-AN-ALMOST-UNHEALTHY-AMOUNT.

He’d stupidly been imagining this elaborate romantic story line for them in his head; best mates turned lovers who can’t help but pounce on each other as their favourite band plays a soundtrack in the background just for them. 50% of the time he thought she knew, while another 50% of him was sure there was some kind of hope. Clearly he was 100% wrong. And now she’s wearing another bloke’s necklace.

He hadn’t realized that he stood up from the table until the rough scrape of the chair on the floor brings all eyes to him. “I-I gotta go.”

“Wait, Finn…” Archie starts to stand.

“I’ll just see you later, Arch.”

“Oi! Your pint’s still full!” Chop gestures with his own glass.

“Finn?” Rae places a hand on his forearm, concern etched into all her features. But he can’t take her sympathy, can’t fall for the frown on the lips she’s probably been using to snog Brandon, so he shakes her off and grabs for his jacket. “But I thought we-”

“Another time.” Finn cuts her off and without another glance storms out of the pub.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rave, a confrontation, a confession, and a conclusion.

Archie had rung him five times, Chop had knocked for him twice, and Rae had done zero of either in the past four days (and that was the count that mattered most).

Finn wasn’t angry with her, never could be really. It wasn’t her fault she was brilliant and he was a coward. He had watched in jealous anguish as Archie dated her and told himself that he wouldn’t let it happen again. Until it did.

Finn was gone on her almost immediately, but by the time he actually realized it his best mate had moved in. He had been so relieved when they didn’t work out. The closer Finn got to Rae, the closer he stepped to the edge of falling hopelessly for her.

That one afternoon in his room when Rae had confessed about France, about her scars, she had seemed so afraid of his reaction. Her eyes had filled with tears as she folded into herself and away from him. She had babbled about how she would understand if he didn’t want her around, if he wanted her to leave and stay away, but all it did was make him want her more. She was so brave, so strong, so wrong about herself. Finn had held her close and whispered that no matter what he always wanted her around.

From that moment she was his, and he’d tried to stake his claim in little touches or looks, listening sessions in his room and mix-tapes full of subliminal messages. Finn was crap with words and he knew actually voicing it out loud ran the risk of losing everything. He’d been such a dick to her in the beginning he was just happy to have her as a friend; happy she trusted him enough with her real self. So he let his feelings rest, let the steady tingle in his skin settle as he waited for some kind of sign. His hope being buoyed by how she said his name or left her scent lingering on his pillows. Evidently, he had waited _too_ long and deep down he knew he had no one to blame but himself.

But that didn’t stop him from avoiding everybody, opting to sulk in his room instead. And sulking is really all he could do. He couldn’t even appreciate his records anymore because everything reminded him of Rae; how she hummed along with Morrissey, mouthed the words to The Stone Roses, and swayed her hips to Primal Scream (she probably thought he didn’t notice, but he definitely did; the visual aiding him in at least a dozen wanks). Not to mention _Spaceman_. After leaving the pub he had bitterly shoved it in the back of the furthest crate, darkly muttering “our song, my arse”. But it was that very thought that stopped him from hurling it like a frisbee towards the tip. She never liked Radiohead much, but he couldn’t fall back on that either because once Brandon had showed up in a Thom Yorke shirt and that’s all Finn could picture when _No Surprises_ came on.

“Tosser didn’t even have the decency to have crap taste in music,” Finn grumbles to himself before shutting off his speakers. He looks around his room for something else to do, but again all he sees are the places Rae had sat or stood or touched, and he knows it was no use.

It’s midday Friday which means the gang was most likely at the chippy. Finn looks over at the calendar pinned to his wall where he had surreptitiously marked down Rae’s work schedule to see that she was off, which meant she would be there too. He wasn’t sure if he was excited or sick at that. Usually he barely lasted 24 hours without seeing her, but now being around her meant seeing B-for-Bollocks-Bastard-Brandon too. Finn sits contemplating going, images of slapping Brandon’s smug face with a fresh from the fryer battered sausage swirling in his mind, when his stomach growls angrily making his decision for him. _Can’t avoid them forever._ With a huff he grabs his flannel and helmet and clops down the stairs.

*

Finn pauses outside the chippy window. The gang is sat at the same table where they had assembled the day before Knebworth. The day he’d punched Big G. The day he should have walked Rae home and told her that Chop might as well have printed her name on the front of Finn’s shirt because, really, he was more excited to see her than Oasis.

Rae’s sat at the end of the table and the hungry animal in his stomach morphs into a thousand restless butterflies. _Fuck, if she didn’t somehow get prettier in the last 72 hours._ She’s wearing her _I Wanna Be Adored shirt_ and a genuine smile; two of his favourite things to see on her. Again he thinks of another lost opportunity: that day in the park where he’d been so eager to apologize he’d forgotten he was half naked. Then he’d gone and made that garbled noise in the back of his throat after telling her she was sound. Not to mention his I-realize-this-is-too-long-but-I’m-busy-sniffing-your-hair hug. The memory makes him cringe.

“Such a twat,” he mumbles to himself, turning to get back on his scooter, but a loud bang and the vibration of the shop window makes him jump.

Chop’s gap tooth grin at startling him immediately changes to one of a stern parent as he brandishes a finger and says “GET THE FUCK IN HERE!” loud enough for Finn to hear through the thick glass. 

Well he has no choice now, he’s been spotted. Hitting his helmet against his thigh, he goes for the door. Chop grabs him by the back of the neck as soon as he was in arms reach.

“The hell have you been?!” Chop admonishes, steering him towards the table. Finn just shrugs. Not like he could say _‘Oh, just at home being miserable and getting strange looks off my dad.’_

Looking up, he notices an empty seat in front of Rae, Archie next to her and, surprisingly, Brandon beside him. Finn furrows his brow at that. If Rae was his he’d be sat close enough to hand feed her chips and feel her breath on his neck. That image quickly turns X rated in his mind, and he has to shake his head to rid himself of the poorly timed fantasy. _Not now_ , he scolds himself as he slips into the empty chair.

“Finn!” Izzy waves at him enthusiastically, her red hair bouncing happily. “We missed you, where ya been?”

“Yeah where’d you disappear to?” Chloe’s tone is slightly accusatory and it makes him hunch his shoulders.

 _Shit, really can’t avoid this question._ “Just around.” He shrugs again before looking over at Archie. He’s met with crossed arms and an icy glare. _I guess I deserve that._ “Alright, Archer?”

Archie looks him over, probably assessing how much Finn has punished himself already before determining how much more crap he deserves for blanking him for days. He must read the lines under Finn’s eyes from lack of sleep and the frustratingly skewed fringe like one of his history books because his shoulders lose their menace, and that sympathetic smile is back. “You okay?” Archie asks. Two words with a hundred annotations. Was he okay? Finn genuinely didn’t know, so he let his head do a weird shake/nod/shrug thing to neither confirm nor deny.

The table’s conversation continues but Finn notices Rae has gone quiet since he’d walked in. She’s looking down at her tray as she swirls a chip in curry sauce. “Hey Rae.” Finn manages, but not without his voice cracking on the end of her name. _Fuck will I ever not be a complete pleb around her?_ He clears his throat to recover, but her eyes shoot up to him and she actually looks relieved before that genuine smile is back.

“Finnley. I was starting to think you’d left the country, or at least Lincolnshire,” she teases in a hushed tone, before pushing her cone of chips towards him in offering.

“Thought about it,” he says honestly, grabbing a chip as a distraction. He feels her nudge his foot with hers under the table and he looks up to find her smiling softly.

“You’re alright though?” To that he nods. If it means her eyes won’t look so sad, he’ll make himself alright. “And uh…we’re...well, are we alright?” Her voice is quiet and hesitant and Finn suddenly feels incredibly guilty for running out on her without explaining. _But how do you explain your heart in your throat and your stomach falling out of your arse?_

“Yeah. ‘Course.” He lets his foot nudge her back. Rae’s smile is wide this time, reaching her eyes that lock with his, until she bites her lip and nods happily. For Finn it’s one of _those moments_ ; the kind that mutes and blurs everything else around them and makes him feel like maybe he gets what love is.

He tears his gaze away to catch his breath and see if Archie had caught their exchange, but instead is met with Brandon looking over at them. Brandon’s forehead creases with a look of consternation before his eyes meet Finn’s. Finn makes sure to hold his gaze firmly until Brandon gives him a half nod and turns back to conversation with the others.

“Right. Now that this bellend is back,” Chop’s voice rises over the din of the table as he points a half eaten saveloy in Finn’s direction, “we can discuss the rave tomorrow!”

\---

Saturday morning had Finn certain that he wasn’t going to go. Last night he’d dreamt of the rave: a pulsing room with swirling colours and warm bodies, and at the centre of it all Brandon was kissing Rae. Finn had woken up in a cold sweat, a hard pain in his chest and an even harder determination to not subject his reality to that gutting scene.

That is until Chop showed up at his with glow sticks, whistles, and a threat to tell Gary about the time they’d nicked his expensive scotch and gashed the side of his car trying to make the curve of the McDonalds drive thru. They had been able to get their burgers and convince Gary it must have been vandalism, escaping any punishment. It was the miracle of their then 15 year old lives, and the only reason Finn wasn’t still grounded, so he had no choice but to get ready.

The ride there was loud and the gang had so much energy it boosted Finn’s enthusiasm. He hollered along, drinking cans with Archie, glad that he ended up in a separate car from Rae and Brandon. But when he sees her emerge from Chop’s Renault 5 looking like some golden glittery goddess, he wishes so badly that he had been pressed against her in the back seat until the sequins of her jacket left oddly shaped imprints on his skin. Chop offers him something from a baggy and whatever it is, he’s taking it.

*

They’re dancing now, just him and Rae. Everyone else has split off and Finn doesn’t care or even wonder where they are, because Rae has his whistle in her mouth and her hands above her head and she looks about as loose as he feels. She’s not touching him at all, but the string of the whistle might as well be connected right to his soul because he feels completely tethered to her. This is how it should be. Him and Rae, happy, together. He’s lost all inhibitions to intoxication and is about to tell her just how right this feels, but then Izzy is pulling her away and his whistle drops to his chest and settles against his heartache. Reality drips down him like the sweat on his brow; he’d almost confessed to a girl with a boyfriend. _She’s with Brandon_ , he reminds himself.

After watching Rae get swallowed by the crowd, Finn moves to the back of the room where it’s slightly quieter, seeking the bar to shoot down anything that will replace the sinking in his stomach with a fiery burn. But he doesn’t make it because he’s stopped dead in his tracks and what he’s seeing has successfully set his whole body alight with fury.  
Brandon is leaning against a wall in an intimate embrace with some brunette in a tight dress, his mouth on her neck as her hands move up his shirt. Blind rage surges through Finn and the next thing he knows he has Brandon by the collar and is shoving him up against the brick, the brunette cast off and forgotten.

“What the fuck, Finn?!”

“YOU SCUMMY PIECE OF SHIT!!” Finn seethes as he grabs him close, only to slam him back into the wall repeatedly. “YOU DON’T FUCKING DESERVE HER!” Finn’s whole body is shaking and he’s sure he’s never felt this angry before.

Brandon’s hands are at Finn’s wrists, and he manages to shift his weight and throw him off. Finn launches himself forward, catching Brandon by the middle and tackling him to the ground. They’re tussling and rolling over one another trying to get the upper hand, unaware of the crowd building around them.

“Do you even know how fucking lucky you are?! You have her and that’s how you treat her?!” Finn is breathing hard and trying to land punches at any available spot, but his determination to talk through the fight has made him sloppy and Brandon is too quick. Soon he’s being straddled, and Brandon’s hands are pinning his arms to the ground.

“What the fuck is this about?! Did you know that girl or summat?” Brandon asks through heaving breaths.

This has Finn flailing, determined to escape his hold so he can murder the thick son of a bitch. He rolls them over now so he looms over Brandon, his right arm pulling past his ear to deliver the final crushing blow, when Brandon gives him a verbal hit that’s harder than any punch.

“I’m not with Rae!!”

Finn’s whole body slackens and his arm falls to his side. “You what?”

“That’s what this is about right? Rae?” Brandon still has his hands up in defence, bracing himself for another attack. Finn just stares at him dumbly. He is so fucking lost right now. Neither of them has moved but then a girl in the crowd breaks their intense stare down.

“Are you two gonna fight or what?” They both turn to her, and finally take notice of the ring of people surrounding them.

“Take your clothes off first!!” her friend demands before falling into a fit of giggles.

“Yeah if we had some jelly this could get really hot!” another standby voice yells out.

A weak scattered chorus of “punch him, punch him, punch him” breaks out but when neither of them make a move, the crowd dissipates. Finn rolls off Brandon and sits next to him, arms resting on his knees.

“Say it again,” he demands.

“I’m not dating Rae.”

“But…you…she-”

“I like her. I thought maybe she liked me too, but-”

“What?” Finn’s mind is swirling. With booze and drugs and bruises he just can’t grasp whats happening.

“She said she didn’t want things to get weird since we worked together, but I figured there had to be another reason. Then I saw how you two looked at each other and…” Brandon trails off and shrugs to finish his thought.

“But what about-”

“Look, Nelson,” Brandon interrupts. He sounds exasperated and Finn clocks an odd look in his eye. It’s almost sad. “I never took you for a cock block but that’s the second girl you’ve gotten in the middle of. Just go talk to Rae, yeah?” And with that he gets up and disappears into the crowd.

\---

Finn’s hands shake as he dismounts his scooter and looks up at Rae’s house.

After his fight with Brandon, he’d searched for her for ages, only to hear from Archie that she had gone off to help Chop. When he asked with what, Archie had slurred through an explanation of Rae being the “daddy” and something about that twat dealer from Dalehead snogging a fairy. It had only left Finn more confused, and by the time they made it to where they had parked up, Chop’s car was gone. After sobering up, Finn had driven him and a queasy Archie straight to the chippy in hopes she’d be there, but when the others (bar Brandon) arrived for the debrief, Chop explained that he had dropped Rae home a few hours ago. Finn had promptly ran home to shower (no way was he going to talk to her smelling like a distillery) and grab his bike.

With a deep breath he heads towards the front door, before thinking better of waking Linda at this early an hour. Instead he climbs up the drain pipe and knocks gently on Rae’s window. After a few minutes Rae appears on the other side, hair wet and face confused, before she unlocks the window and opens it for him.

“Finn? What the bloody hell are you doing out there?” she whisper yells.

“Is it alright if I come in?”

“Erm…yeah okay. Just don’t break your neck, alright? Don’t need my mum waking up to a dead body in the garden.” She moves aside to let him in and once he’s safely got feet to carpet she’s asking “thought we were meant to meet at the chippy?”

“I needed to talk to you about summat important. In private,” Finn says, taking a step closer to her. A worried look comes over her face before she nods and gestures for him to continue. “Rae…I…” he trails off unsure of where to start, so he takes another step so they’re toe to toe.

“What?” Her voice is so quiet and he can tell she’s bracing herself for whatever is about to happen.

Finn’s not sure getting this close was a good idea. He can smell her shampoo and his words die on his lips when he feels her chest rising and falling against his. His body knows what it wants though and suddenly he has one hand in her hair while the other cups her cheek, stroking her face gently. Rae’s eyes look wet as her gaze moves to Finn’s lips which are only an inch away from hers.

“Rae…”

“Yeah?”

“I came to tell you that I’ve wanted to do this for a long time,” he whispers. And then he’s kissing her.

Finn has imagined kissing her thousands of times. Endless variations of how it would go. Who would make the initial move? Which lip he would devour first? (He always ended on her bottom one, it was just so plump.) How long would it last? What noises would she make? But he never knew it could feel like this. No other girl made it feel like this. He could have never imagined how perfectly her mouth slotted with his, or the thrill that shot through him when he felt her fist his shirt and pull him closer, or the way they melted together when their tongues touched.

Finn’s toes curl as his mind goes blank while the rest of him feels so full. Too full; of words, of want, of need. At that moment kissing her became a necessity. World War III could be breaking out right next to them and all he would hear and see and feel was one Rae Earl.

Finn feels her smile against his lips before she pulls away slightly. Her mouth is still close enough that her lips brush his as she whispers, “why the fuck did we wait so long to do that?” He allows a breath of a laugh out before he’s on her again and, like at the chippy and the thousand other times he’s felt it before, it’s one of _those moments_ ; their moments. When the rest of the world shifts away and it’s just the two of them. But this time Finn knows for sure what love is.

\---

They’re in his room, on his bed, kissing. It’s been three weeks since the rave and they haven’t really stopped kissing, despite the protests of the gang. They haven’t gone further than that, but Finn’s not complaining. The fact that he gets to hold her by the waist and put his tongue in her mouth and call her his girl is amazing enough to him. So when Rae’s hands start to creep up the back of his shirt, and he feels her nails gently rake at his skin while her tongue swirls against his Adam’s apple, he isn’t ashamed to admit he’s already about to mess his jeans.

Finn dips his head, his mouth greedy to get back to her delicious lips. Her arms move up so her hands are in his hair and he takes the opportunity to slip his own hands under her top. She hums against his mouth and he takes it as his cue to continue. Finn’s hands ghost higher, until he can feel the smooth expanse of her back and the tips of his fingers rub the clasp of her bra. Rae shifts to lift her back off the bed and he pulls her with him so they’re both sitting upright.

Finn nips her bottom lip before pulling away. He’s pleased to see she’s just as dazed as him, that maybe his kisses are messing with her mind as much as hers do his. Her eyes are half closed and her lips are swollen from his bites, and the sight makes him feel like he’s on fire. She gives him a barely there brush of the lips before guiding his hands to the hem of her shirt. Finn looks into her eyes, raises his brows in question, afraid words will break the sensuous air thick around them. Rae comes close, nods against his nose before swiping her tongue across his top lip. He kisses her until he has to move to make way for her shirt and when he sees her breasts spilling out of a lacy teal bra, he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to stand her in clothes again. His eyes travel from her cleavage, higher until they settle on a necklace. The necklace. B for Brandon’s necklace.

Finn’s certain he’s never lost his arousal faster. The sight of that gold pendant between her collar bones is gut wrenching. He hasn’t seen it since that first day, and after their kiss in her room he was sure he’d never see it again. But all this time it was under her clothes like a secret. Nestled close to the breasts that he’s been fantasizing about. He hasn’t moved and the only thing that shatters his shock is Rae pulling the covers over her. When he looks to her face she seems mortified and her eyes are full of tears.

“Fuck, I knew it! You’re disgusted by me. I can’t believe I let you see me!” Rae grabs for her shirt and stands. Tears fall from her eyes and hit Finn’s hand and he feels the panic rise inside of him.

“No Rae, no! That’s not – Rae!” He’s grabbing for her now but she pulls away and shoves her shirt over her head.

“Please don’t touch me Finn, don’t!”

“Rae, stop!”

She’s on the floor grabbing her things, frantically searching for her Converse. She’s sobbing and the sound squeezes Finn’s heart like a vice.

“Rae! Listen to me, please! It’s not you! I love how you look, I swear!” Finn knows he’s yelling but he needs her to hear him. She does. She stops mid grab for her backpack and looks up at him. He gets down on his knees so they’re level and grabs her face. “Rae, I love your body. I find you so fucking sexy, believe me. It’s just…I saw the necklace and it was like a punch to the bollocks.”

“What?” Confusion clouds over Rae’s face and she pulls out of his hands.

“Brandon’s necklace. Why are you still wearing it?” Finn’s voice cracks with the painful lump in his throat.

“What? The fuck are you talking about Finn?”

Finn sighs heavy, falling back so he’s sitting on his bum, and leans against his bed. “I know it’s from him Rae. B for Brandon.”

It’s quiet for a long moment. He’s staring at his hands because he’s too afraid to look at her, but when she laughs his head shoots up. The tears are gone and she’s wearing a smile. Finn frowns at her. He doesn’t see what the hell about this situation could possibly be amusing. Rae shuffles on her knees until she’s in front of him, then swings one leg over to straddle his lap.

“You numpty. This necklace is not from Brandon.”

“What? Then who’s it from?”

Rae bites her lip and her eyes dance across his face as if she’s trying to memorize this moment. “It’s from Karim.”

“KARIM?! But I…I don’t...Karim?” He knows he sounds daft but he is thoroughly confused.

“He gave it to me after him and my mum got married in Tunisia. Said he wanted me to feel like part of his family, ‘cause that’s what I am.” Rae shrugs and places her hands on Finn’s neck, thumbs rubbing at his jawline. “Sounds cheesy, but it meant a lot to me. It’s the first time someone has wanted to be my dad in any sorta way, you know?” Tears fill her eyes again and Finn moves his arms to circle her waist.

“So -”

“B for ‘Bouchtat’, yeah.” Rae interrupts and nods, giving him a watery smile. Finn buries his head in her neck, embarrassed.

“More like B for ‘Bloody idiot’. Fuck Rae, I’m so sorry. I’m such a dickhead.” Finn says against her skin, nuzzling closer, trying to hide how red he’s gone. He’s been so thick about the whole situation.

“Yeah well, I’ve only been telling you that this whole time. Glad you’ve finally admitted it,” Rae laughs as she strokes his hair.

Finn places a kiss on her neck before pulling away, his finger tracing the chain of the necklace. “I really am sorry, Rae. I never want to make you cry. It’s just…the thought of you with anyone else…”

“You must really be an idiot if you think I want anyone else, Finnley. You’re stuck with me now.”

Finn beams and tightens his hold on her. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. And you don’t even need to give me a necklace,” Rae teases.

“Nah, anyone can get a necklace. I was thinking something more permanent. Like a massive ‘F’ tattoo on your back or summat.” Finn traces the letter above the band of her leggings for show.

“Bollocks to that!”

Finn shakes his head and laughs before pulling her face to his, close enough for their breath to mix. He rubs his nose lightly against hers. “I love you, girl.”

“I love you too, dickhead.”

*

Hours later when Rae is fast sleep against his chest, her bare skin sticking to his, Finn reaches for a biro in his beside drawer and draws a tiny ‘F’ on the inside of her wrist.


End file.
